I lived my early life on a small farm in South Dakota, which prepared me for great things. I haven't met my mother's high expectations, but have so far avoided serious public disgrace and extensive jail time.

I served honorably and diligently as a member of the Air Force (1957-1967). My military career was most remarkable for the 78 straight days of KP I pulled in 1959. I came away from my service with a profound disregard for military duty; civilian life is better.

I've worked as a gravedigger, septic tank cleaner, and political campaign adviser. The grave digging job was the best of the three.

I've also worked as a cowboy, farmer, egg candler, spy, translator, revenuer, paper converter, record skinner, longshoreman, claims representative, security guard, homebuilder, and writer. Not all of my employment has been profitable or honorable.

I am known principally for the fine quality of my friends, and for having a dog and a wife, each of superior intelligence and ability. I also have some damned smart cats.

I now live in Oklahoma's Green Country (yes, we do have green grass and trees). I've grown accustomed to the place - except for the chiggers, ticks, poison ivy and the American Taliban.

I've adapted well to Oklahoma and have a fondness for chicken fried steak and white gravy (known locally as "heart attack on a plate"), though I have some difficulty with fried bass, catfish and barbequed bologna chunks.

I can communicate with most people in Oklahoma. I can speak "Okie" real slow, with a drawl, and manage to get the you' all's in the right place.

I am a liberal, tree-hugging, "Golden Rule" Atheist and have strong opinions. My opinions tend to reflect my great disdain for preachers, peddlers, politicians and other bottom feeders of society.