The recent heavy rain and flooding has caused disorder in our fair city. Mayor Potter, Banker Benson and several other local businessmen were out of town on business when the storm began. The floodwaters of Coyote Creek were so deep they were unable to return to town. They reportedly found shelter from the storm at the entertainment establishment known as “Miss Polly’s.”

Our fine business folk are reportedly eating humble pie and sleeping in cold beds, while Mrs. Potter, Benson and others are circulating a petition for closure of Miss Polly’s”. The rains have stopped, but the storm is not over said Mrs. Potter.

MENU:

Maylene just brought in the new menu for the Chatterbox. You’ll be pleased to know that the main items are Maylene's specialties; bar-b-qued bologna chunks, mashed potatoes, white gravy, with green beans, brown beans or macaroni and cheese as the vegetable side. Maylene said she had to stop providing straws with the soft drinks because the kids were using them to shoot toothpicks into the ceiling tiles; she does provide straws upon request.

VACATION:

Marlene got a remake at a beauty shop in Hollywood where Dolly Parton once had her hair done. The orange lipstick and lime green eye shadow does give her a different look. Be sure to mention it or she will be disappointed. Also, if you want to see her blush, you only have to ask her about the proposition she received from the snake charmer on Venice beach.

CRIME:

Our intrepid crime fighter and Chief of Police, Ervil Yates, has been busy this week with a couple of dog fights, several speeders, a drunk driver, domestic squabbles and a burglary. The speeding and drunk driving complaints involved young members of the Clanton tribe who have

Harms Drug was burglarized Wednesday night, but loses were minimal. The burglars took only a few dozen condoms. Some of the condoms were inflated and formed into balloon animals – very large balloon animals. Some of the animals were quite artistic. Ervil hasn’t got the crime pinned down yet, but suspects are well known. Certain speeders were found to be in possession of a large number of condoms.

MEDICALS:

Senior Clanton was admitted to the county hospital with a broken leg on Monday. His horse spooked when it stepped on a big rattler and threw Senior in the creek. Senior would not admit that he had been thrown and said the horse just stumbled.

On Tuesday, little Occie Williams was admitted and then released after being bitten by a skunk. He crawled into a culvert while trying to catch a baby skunk. Members of the volunteer fire department extracted Occie from the culvert and deodorized him as well as they could. Mama skunk was dispatched and her head sent to Oklahoma City for rabies testing. The firemen suggested that it might be also wise to send the kid for testing. In any case, readers should avoid the back table at the Chatterbox when the volunteers are in residence.

Also, on Tuesday, a young lady who shall remain nameless was brought in for treatment of snakebite. A group of local teenagers was apparently skinnydipping at the coal pits when the young lady jumped off the bank. She landed on a submerged  stump covered with roots and thought that she had landed on one of those “balls of water-moccasins” that mothers tell their daughters about. Amidst the screaming, panic and pain the lady forgot how to swim and had to be rescued by the eldest Clanton boy. She suffered only a sprained ankle, scratches and wounded reputation. It is doubtful that the coal pits will see many swimmers for a while.